Tuesday, July 31, 2007

To Share Or Not To Share

W.W.J.D? Is there anything written about this in the 10 Commandments? How about the Qu'aran?
TO SHARE OR NOT TO SHARE?
That is the question.

This morning at 7:58 AM, my landlord and his hound appeared at my locked gate. He rang the doorbell because he was desperate, I suppose. For the second time in less than a year, he had stopped up his toilet and came up to our house to borrow our plunger. Wire hangers weren't cutting it this morning, I'm assuming. Let's define the work of a toilet plunger, shall we? What is does is make mince-meat out of poo. Right? It's a job that needs to be done, and some years it has to be done more than others. Eat your fiber and you will be blessed - God willing, Baruch HaShem, Insha'Allah. And, it's worth taking the plunge (pardon the pun) to buy one of these things because you will inevitably need to do some mincing during your many decades on this planet (again, God willing, Baruch HaShem, Insha'Allah). Plus they're still pretty affordable.
Come upstairs once, fine. But, then go and buy one! And while you're at it, get some other personal items that you might not like to borrow from others: Prep H with the long applicator, Tucks pads, lube...what have you. Lending out my plunger to another person and then storing it, knowing it was mincing elsewhere - I have a beef with this. As my grandfather wrote in a letter he sent to me over 20 years ago: "neither a borrower nor a lender be."
I know it sounds crazy. I don't mind having one plunger per household for all who dwell under one roof to share. Guests are included. I just don't like the idea of mixing family matters. I like to think that there is some kind of biblical taboo.

Later on, when my awkward lonely landlord tries to return it, I'm not sure if I should allow it back in. It's been tainted too many times. It will be one of those conversations with a lot of fake politeness:
"No, really, you can keep it."
"You sure? I can buy you a new one?"
No, really, I insist.

1 comment:

possum said...

Tell the asshole to:
a) quit eating so much meat or
b) go to Home Depot and buy one of those king-hell plungers that extends to seven or eight feet and has this wicked turd coil on the end and a plunger with this handle to crank the extension with the coil around and send it into the depths of the sewer system.