Bisq and I spent our honeymoon in Jamaica back in 2002. In fact, we stayed at an all-inclusive resort that was chosen by a gay travel agent named Jamal with cute dreadlocks and a penchant for rolling his eyes while talking on his wireless head-set. Bisq and I could never tell if the eye-rolling was directed at us.
It came down to a decision between an eco-resort/exotic zoo wonderland in Mexico called Ixpuha Palace and Swept Away in Negril.
Jamaica won for the obvious reasons, but the iguanas wandering the premises at Ixpuha and hot tubs in the suites looked mighty appealing, too. Plus, I loved watching Jamal say ik-shpoo-haa.
Anyway, the honeymoon was a blast. Let me sum it up: We arrived with fake tans and minimal body hair; we left 10 shades paler than we had arrived. We ate loads of a fruit called soursop. It tasted like it was 50% banana and 50% pineapple. I drank Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee smoothies spiked with Tia Maria at least twice a day. Biscuit was still a lush back then and was drinking every girly rum drink that would fit inside of a coconut. The bellboys hooked us up with cheeba immediately. I kept losing my room-key, sunglasses and camera, due to the haze I was in. We played several games of ping-pong each day and were always first in line at the buffets. I'll cut it off there, cuz most of you know what honeymoons are like.
A few keepsakes from the honeymoon remain in my possession 5 years later. In the evenings, the maids at Swept Away left us with a "Thought For the Night" card. It has a typical Jamaican proverb on one side and on the other side, it says "PLEASE ASK YOUR ATTENDANT FOR AN EXPLANATION"
I was high, and that's just the kind of invitation I was looking for.
One card reads, Yuh bawn wen yuh mamma gawn ah mawket! I'm taking the spelling directly from the cards. I wouldn't be able to make this stuff up. I think it means something like, when your mama finally started being a whore, she got pregnant with you??
Another reads, Cow nuh know te use a im tail till it chap aff. This one, I get. If you don't use it you lose it...no, maybe, it means you didn't realize how useful something was until you lost it. In the cow's case, his tail. In your case, maybe your sideburns??
The final one is, See mi an cum lib wid ah 2 difrent ting. I get it.... It's a very appropriate thing to say to your spouse or whomever you live with, especially when you stink up the bathroom. Or maybe when you're walking around the house in some underwear that is 8 sizes too big and the waistband comes up to your nipples...not that I'd know anything about these - just some examples
Well, this has prompted me to look up more Jamaican proverbs because I think they're brilliant, and I'd like Patois to be Zev's second language. I know Spanish is so useful, but
it's just so boring.
Here are some I thought you might like to integrate into your daily banter:
1. Every hoe ha dem stick a bush= to each his own, or there is someone out there for everyone
2. Fire de a Mus Mus tail, him tink a cool breeze= set a rat's tail on fire, and he thinks there's a cool breeze. This can be used to describe someone or something (the system, for example) that is clueless. This characterizes the complacency of the upper class.
3. Every mikkle mek a muckle= a penny saved is a penny earned. This could pass for Yiddish, don't you think? You need the proper inflection, of course.
4. Mi cum here fi drink milk, mi noh cum here fi count cow= a reminder to conduct business in a straightforward manner.
Bust out any of these phrases and you'll definitely impress me. A trip to Jamaica is indeed a cultural experience, and you don't even need to step outside of your gated resort which insures that you'll never meet the people who speak Patois (who aren't scoring your cheeba or cleaning up after you spill jackfruit juice). Just make sure you get the "Thought For the Night" card and find an attendant for an explanation.
QUIZ TIME!
Can you complete these Jamaican proverbs?
The following proverbs are written in a loose combination of standard English and patois in an attempt to reflect the two languages commonly used on the island and out of a dual respect for the fact that this will be read rather than heard and the fact that proverbs themselves are bastions of the oral tradition, having survived orally for over hundreds of years. See if you can fill in the blanks.
It came down to a decision between an eco-resort/exotic zoo wonderland in Mexico called Ixpuha Palace and Swept Away in Negril.
Jamaica won for the obvious reasons, but the iguanas wandering the premises at Ixpuha and hot tubs in the suites looked mighty appealing, too. Plus, I loved watching Jamal say ik-shpoo-haa.
Anyway, the honeymoon was a blast. Let me sum it up: We arrived with fake tans and minimal body hair; we left 10 shades paler than we had arrived. We ate loads of a fruit called soursop. It tasted like it was 50% banana and 50% pineapple. I drank Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee smoothies spiked with Tia Maria at least twice a day. Biscuit was still a lush back then and was drinking every girly rum drink that would fit inside of a coconut. The bellboys hooked us up with cheeba immediately. I kept losing my room-key, sunglasses and camera, due to the haze I was in. We played several games of ping-pong each day and were always first in line at the buffets. I'll cut it off there, cuz most of you know what honeymoons are like.
A few keepsakes from the honeymoon remain in my possession 5 years later. In the evenings, the maids at Swept Away left us with a "Thought For the Night" card. It has a typical Jamaican proverb on one side and on the other side, it says "PLEASE ASK YOUR ATTENDANT FOR AN EXPLANATION"
I was high, and that's just the kind of invitation I was looking for.
One card reads, Yuh bawn wen yuh mamma gawn ah mawket! I'm taking the spelling directly from the cards. I wouldn't be able to make this stuff up. I think it means something like, when your mama finally started being a whore, she got pregnant with you??
Another reads, Cow nuh know te use a im tail till it chap aff. This one, I get. If you don't use it you lose it...no, maybe, it means you didn't realize how useful something was until you lost it. In the cow's case, his tail. In your case, maybe your sideburns??
The final one is, See mi an cum lib wid ah 2 difrent ting. I get it.... It's a very appropriate thing to say to your spouse or whomever you live with, especially when you stink up the bathroom. Or maybe when you're walking around the house in some underwear that is 8 sizes too big and the waistband comes up to your nipples...not that I'd know anything about these - just some examples
Well, this has prompted me to look up more Jamaican proverbs because I think they're brilliant, and I'd like Patois to be Zev's second language. I know Spanish is so useful, but
it's just so boring.
Here are some I thought you might like to integrate into your daily banter:
1. Every hoe ha dem stick a bush= to each his own, or there is someone out there for everyone
2. Fire de a Mus Mus tail, him tink a cool breeze= set a rat's tail on fire, and he thinks there's a cool breeze. This can be used to describe someone or something (the system, for example) that is clueless. This characterizes the complacency of the upper class.
3. Every mikkle mek a muckle= a penny saved is a penny earned. This could pass for Yiddish, don't you think? You need the proper inflection, of course.
4. Mi cum here fi drink milk, mi noh cum here fi count cow= a reminder to conduct business in a straightforward manner.
Bust out any of these phrases and you'll definitely impress me. A trip to Jamaica is indeed a cultural experience, and you don't even need to step outside of your gated resort which insures that you'll never meet the people who speak Patois (who aren't scoring your cheeba or cleaning up after you spill jackfruit juice). Just make sure you get the "Thought For the Night" card and find an attendant for an explanation.
QUIZ TIME!
Can you complete these Jamaican proverbs?
The following proverbs are written in a loose combination of standard English and patois in an attempt to reflect the two languages commonly used on the island and out of a dual respect for the fact that this will be read rather than heard and the fact that proverbs themselves are bastions of the oral tradition, having survived orally for over hundreds of years. See if you can fill in the blanks.
1. "One, one coco ____ basket" (Do not expect to achieve success overnight).
2. "Every mikkle ____ a mukkle" (Every little bit counts).
3. "Wat doan ____, will fatten" (Do not waste time worrying over something that does you no real harm. You may even be able to turn it around into something positive).
4. "Chicken merry, _____ dah near" (Be vigilant as danger can be found in unexpected places).
5. "Every dawg has his day and every puss his ___ o'clock" and cock mouth ____ cock. (Do not act as if you are better than others, your day will come).
6. "Wanti, wanti, cyan getti, getti, getti nuh _____" Also "silent rivah run deep" and "No mug no bruk, no coffee nuh dash wey" (Count your blessings and do not take what you have for granted).
7. "Sorry fi mawga dog, mawga dog wi tun round and ____ you" (Sometimes it is those whom we help who are the least grateful).
8. "Duppy know ___ fi frighten" (Bullies know to pick on those least able to defend themselves).
9. "See mi a one thing, come lib with me ________" (To see me is one thing, to live with me, another or as in another popular saying, do not judge a book by its cover).
10. "De olda de clock, de ______ it wine" (The older a person is, the wiser).
11. "When coco ripe, it mus ____" (Actions speak louder than words).
12. "Hog say, 'de first dutty water mi ______, mi wash'." (Seize opportunities as they present themselves).
13. "One eye man king in ______ man country". (No matter how bad it seems things may be, there is always another for whom things are worse).
14. "Fool-fool pickney mek fowl _____ away from him two time" (Never allow yourself to be fooled the same way more than once).
15. "Nuh fatten cockroach fi _____" (Do not waste time doing things for which others will be ungrateful).
16. "Saltfish sit down pon di _______ a wait fi bread and butter" (Lazy people wait for life's blessings to come to them).
17. "Mi old, but mi nuh _____" (Do not underestimate the value of the elderly).
18. "Disobedient pickney _____ rockstone" (Disobedient children will come to a bad end).
19. "Dawg say if him have money him would buy him own ______" (Some people, when they wind up with money, will waste it in unnecessary things).
20. "Talk and ______ your tongue" (Think before you speak).
ANSWERS:
1. full. 2. mek. 3. kill. 4. hawk. 5. four
6. wanti. 7. bite. 8. who. 9. another. 10. faster.
11. bus 12. ketch 13. blind 14. get 15. fowl.
16. counter. 17. cold. 18. nyam. 19. fleas. 20. taste
1 comment:
i love your blog though i wish you could feel in the blanks
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